The Truman!

This is where we are going to live. It's so so pretty. And it's so fun to imagine and play pretend what we want it to look like. Ohhh. We're painting at the moment, that's about all we can do right now, but I'm feeling so uncontrollably nest-y. It's all I want to think about!

The living room! Which is being painted red at this moment!

The bed room!

The Pretty kitchen!

The cool bathroom!

The bachelor food in the fridge right now!

Kurt's old home!

and arty reflection of new home in the old home!

Update of dates.

It's kind of funny how you put off blogging, and then there's just monumentally (or so it seems) too much to catch up on!

Well, here's a small update.

For those of you who don't know, which is probably no one who reads this blog, Kurt Russell Anderson proposed a proposal of marriage to me on March 31st! Just a few details...we were sitting on top of the van...yes, the van. It was perfect.

We're getting married July 2nd in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple, which is roughly forty-six days...but who's counting? Since we both love the 4th of July, we want our wedding to be a lovely, vintage-y, casual, picnic-y, American-y affair...with nautical touches and a healthy helping of Spectre from Big Fish. Oh gosh, if it turns out like we're thinking, it's going to be so fun. Fun is the goal!

We have rented a beautiful apartment in Provo, south of BYU campus. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It's so. much. fun. (Pictures to come) We're painting right now, and imagining what we would do if we had money for any kind of furniture. The place is unfurnished, and right now what we have is a cute little table from DI. and a twin mattress on the floor of the bedroom for Kurt who has ended his homeless year and is intensely grateful for the shower, the kitchen, and the shelter. It's pretty nice to have a husband who has been homeless for a year, he's easily pleased.

We're both doing school this semester. I'm taking a couple of General education classes so that I'll be able to graduate next April. I thought I'd be all tough, and awesome, and blast myself with stress so that I could get it all out of the way...but oh. man. Taking American Heritage, and Family Finance, being in a play Anne Frank, trying to train for a new job (Wilkenson Center Jamba Juice, come visit!) and planning a wedding...I feel a little overwhelmed. Especially with these classes. Taking 2 classes that can be considered moderately difficult during the regular semester is one thing, squeezing all of that info into seven weeks is madness for my poor, sieve-like brain. I'm glad they'll be over quickly, but I may just barely survive.

I am counting the days. Lit'rally. I have this little page of squares in my notebook that I fill in every day, ticking off the days and weeks until the play and school will be over, and until I can get hitched! Phew. It can't come soon enough.

I have a few enticements and rewards for myself waiting at the end of the semester! I'm going to buy myself a big bag of chocolate-covered cinnamon bears, Kurt, being the amazingly wonderful man he is, got us tickets to see Ray LaMontagne and Brandi Carlile in June, bridal showers and family fun...oh, and a little thing called Eternal Marriage to The Most Wonderful Man on the Earth. Ugh. Can't wait.

Father Goose Fashion

ok, so the new thing is daily fashion blogs. There are a lot of cute mormon ones, and here's a plug for my gorgeous and enviably fashionable friend Rebecca Hammond. Goodness gracious, she's amazing.Anyways, so in my internet travels through these blogs, there are a bunch of wonderful trends that I am totally loving right now, the topknot hairstyle being one. (I am starting to wear the topknot alllll the time. I have enough hair for it! Let the rejoicings rejoice! It took a minute to get used to, and a minute to convince myself I didn't look like Miss Stacy. But I love it hard now.)

Anyways, in my Dialects class (Yes, DIALECTS! You get to learn and speak in accents without being obnoxious or pretentious! Best thing EVER.)

Anyways, our teacher always shows us movie clips when we're starting a new dialect. Last week we started French, and we were watching a clip of the delightful "Father Goose" with the wonderful Cary Grant and the gorgeous Leslie Caron.

I wish I could find this clip for you because it is hilarious, and she gets drunk and he's charming as always, but I noticed that the exquisite Leslie Caron's outfit and hairstyle are basically the height of fashion right now.

Just look. Look!

I love it! And it just goes to show you that fashion is timeless!

Do the Pretty Girl Rock.

Ok, I totally have a a girl crush on Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor from The Office) all due to her Twitter. Girl is hilarious.

And I get a lot of music suggestions from her Tweets.

This song is one of them. I'm not a super R&B lover, but for some reason, this song is totally addictive to me. I cannot stop listening to it.

Plus I'm a total sucker for videos that do a through-the-ages thing.

Oh the clothes of yesteryears

How gorgeous is she? Holy crap.

(Don't you love the TLC homage at the end? Oh the silky pajamas)

And the song is hilariously conceited, but honestly, don't you think the women of today need a little self-confidence? I know I do. I'm sick of self deprecation, and comparisons and beating myself up. Probably you are too.

We should all just do the Pretty-Girl Rock.

(My favorite lines include: "Boys wanna marry lookin' at my derri--ere, you can stare but if you touch it Im'ma bury! Pretty as a pitcha, sweeter than a swisha, mad 'cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha")

Stash N' Nuggies.

Hey, I bet you didn't know that I'm dating a famous person.

Well, I am.

He's known around these parts (Provo) as Homeless Kurt.

Homeless Kurt wrote a song.

It's about mustaches and chicken nuggets.

Then he made a music video.

Here it is. Watch and spread around. Help make him even more famous.

Yes. That's him. That's my man.

And I'm proud.

Sleeping (Raging) Beauty

So, I have this little problem. I like to call it "Sleep Rage."

You know how at the end of the movie "Hook," Tinkerbell whispers to Peter Pan "You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan."

Well, Tink, that place is sometimes where I feel like killing people.

When I'm asleep and something, or someone wakes me up, there is a period of time, before I am fully conscious, mind you, where I am completely and justifiably (to myself) homicidal towards that something or someone.

I've thought of killing, or at least injuring some of my very best friends because they've talked loudly, made noise or done something to wake me from my slumber.

This is probably a bad thing. Now, take all this with a grain of salt. I never really have thought of killing anyone. I just really really really really really really really really really really really really really really reallyreallyreally want them to get out of the world.

That's all.

And then I become just a liiiitle more conscious, and I realize...that I'm still irritated, but less homicidal.

Then I become just a liiiiitle more conscious than that, and then I realize that I'm awake and there's nothing I can do about it, and oh well.

And then, and only then, sometimes, does the Sleep Rage end.

Photo found on Hyperbole and a Half.

P.S. I realize how fully crazy this post makes me sound. I guess I am. Sorry bout it.

Life's Leading Ladies.

Lately, I've been thinking about my future.

And freaking out a little bit.

Yes yes, the plight of all college students. It's a very common story. They get to that point where they realize that college doesn't last forever, graduation is rapidly approaching, and they still have no idea what they want to do.

I'm in the Acting Program at BYU. It took me 2 years to get in. Two years of stress and playing the Game, and doing everything I could just to make it in.

I'm in.

I'm in...now what?

I have no idea. During a recent theater trip to LA, we were able to do a Q&A with a large group of actors who were friends and colleagues of my teachers. They described the process and the way that an actor "makes it" in LA.

It's not for me. It's just not for me.

And it got me thinking...what is for me? What do I want to do? What do I do with this mostly practically useless degree and incredibly impractical career choice of mine?

Then, while listening to the Pocahontas soundtrack the other morning, I had a small ephiphany about the kind of person I am. And I realized I'm not really the leading lady type. (not in theatre, but in Life. Capital L for dramatic effect.)

Get ready for this one guys, this is embarrassing.

Because, really, if my life was Pocahontas, I would be Nakoma. The friend. The placid, complacent, platitudinous, prosaic best friend. The one who doesn't like to make waves, or even ripples, really. I don't dive off of waterfalls, or have animal friends, or talk to trees. I don't risk it all to be different or to go against the grain. I'm not ambitious. I don't have any grand schemes, or plans. I don't feel any burning need to change the world, or change the way things work. Sometimes being Nakoma makes me not very fun, sometimes it makes me afraid to take risks, sometimes it makes me miss opportunities.

Look at that face. The disapproval. Yikes.

The question is: Shouldn't I be the leading lady of my own life?

Can't be I be Pocahontas, canoeing bravely around river bends, singing with those mountain voices, defying the conventions, changing the world, having a hot bod and ridiculous hair and a sweet tattoo? I mean, look at this woman!

Stop it Pocahontas, you're fabulous. No, really, stop.

I don't know exactly what conclusion I've come to about this discovery. Right now I'm halfway between understanding that this is the way I am, and being this way isn't necessarily a bad thing, and being at peace with my Nakoma-ness; and knowing that I've got to start making some fundamental changes in myself in order to better serve my life and future.

But mostly...I just feel like this:

So basically, I have no answer. This was pretty stream of consciousness. (Conscious? I was never taught grammar properly.) I guess that this is just life, finding out where you fit in; which character molds you fit into, which you combine, which you stretch, and which you break. I also guess that life is blindly stumbling along, trying your best to have faith even though you're terrified....cause that's what I'm doing. Yikes.

Now, watch this video. This song is ridiculously wonderful. It'll make you feel good.

Moral of the story: Pocahontas is my favorite Disney movie.

And I'm lame for making this extended of a metaphor about myself from animated Disney characters.

Goodnight.

Lazy Music Post

Okay, here are two songs that I cannot stop listening to right now.

I'm a pretty eclectic music listener...can you tell?

Valumtime's Day.

Ok. So I'd just like to send a big, fat this song:

To this guy:

Yeah Kurt. I'm being sappy. Deal.

Don't be embarrassed. Ok?

He's unbelievable. I punch (typo, but it was funny, so I kept it) myself everyday to make sure I'm not dreaming that he's my wonderful, hilarious, loving, silly boyfriend and bestfriend.

He hates Valentine's day, but I don't care.

Happy Valumtime's, Dear.

Thanks for being better and more best than any boyfriend that I could possibly imagine.

Kurt, I know you're embarrassed. Sorry.

annnnd....

One more picture...can't help myself.

One More Candle and Trip Around the Sun

It's true. I've made it around the Sun one more time. I'm now 21.

21 is (I know I know) very young.

However, it cannot be denied as a landmark.

I think that despite 20 being the first age out of the teens, 21 is the first year of real adulthood.

Adulthood.

Yuck.

I am currently in the city of Angels. In an angelically beautiful, if swankily inadequate hotel.

(aka no continental breakfast. which I was counting on saving and eating for at least two of the days' meals.)

I am at an acting and theatre festival.

Ever get the birthday blues?

They're not even necessarily blues. The blues that, for a lack of a better term, make you feek vaguely discontent and squirmy inside, and all for reasons that you can't explain.

I had an emotional tearful outburst at the end of today, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why.

I had a beautiful day today. A group of BYU kids decided to go to Disneyland. I hitched a ride in the van and got picked up by my wonderful sister-in-law and niece and spent a wonderful day with them.

I saw dolphins, guys. Dolphins.

They said "happy birthday" to me. Kind of.

I don't know why birthdays incite such strange emotions in people. or maybe just me? I don't know. It maybe that I miss my family. It may be spending so much time with my niece made me emotional. It may be that leaving her made me sad. It may be that I miss my boyfriend. It may be that talking to a group of recognizable professional actors tonight in a Q&A made me question my fundamental fitness for the acting profession. And it very well may be that I dropped my wallet in the restroom of a Chevron gas station in Fillmore, Utah, while trying to avoid a very large puddle of vomit from a very small girl, and it had yet to come back to me in the mail, despite the assurance that it has been sent...

But I think, in addition to all of these things, my brilliant friend Mariah said that birthdays always feel weird because there's always an expectation of change, which never really happens. You never ever really feel different on your birthday. You always wake up thinking "I'm a year older, do I feel any different?" and then you never do, and then you always end up feeling vaguely dissatisfied with the day, however great the day was.

So, I had a good cry. A good laughy cry with big fat teardrops, and re-crys and big, frustrated hand gestures, and hugs. Then I went down to the beautiful gym on the fourth floor of the hotel, and ran really hard for 30 minutes. And then I felt like I wanted to throw up a little. And then I took a shower and got in my clean, white hotel-y bed and sat with my damp hair on my pillow, feeling refreshed, clean and tired, and wrote a badly written blog.

I feel better. I love so so many people of my life, family and friends, and cannot believe how well they take care of me, and deal with me, and love me. I am so grateful to them.

and happy birthday to me, saith the dolphins.